Never Be Ashamed of Your Age

NEVER BE ASHAMED OF YOUR AGE
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Never, ever be ashamed of your age. For starters, the fact you’ve survived for a long time, proves you can’t be all that stupid. Younger people than you, have yet to prove that. And then there’s the fact that you’ve seen and heard things they can’t even imagine like seeing The Beatles or Led Zeppelin live-on-stage for five bucks! Who have they seen? Who cares?

You know what the trouble with young people is, don’t you? They’re stupid! I was. You were or still are. And when I say young I mean pre-elderly! Now, I’m not talking kid stupid, like when you ran over your sister with your tricycle because your cardboard jump ramp collapsed, with her under it.

And I’m not just talking teenage stupid like those idiotic pants with the crotch around their knees. For fork’s sake what’s that about? Actually, I might know: it gives them easier access: To play with their willies, which they probably do all the time.

And I’m not talking twenty-something stupid like getting married so you can bonk every day instead of pullin’ your puddin’ over catalogues of girls in underwear, and then having a kid when you, yourself, still watch cartoons over cornflakes in the morning.

And I’m not even talking thirty-something stupid like those dickheads in shiny suits and overpriced cars, who think their wives won’t notice the smell of cheap perfume and stale alcohol when they come home from ‘business trips’. Or tradies who eat tons of red meat because they’re ‘real men’ then drop dead from bowel cancer at fifty.

Actually, most men between 20 and 40 are obsessed with their bodies and/or their genitalia and less aware of their bad behaviour. They’re still looking at life through the eye of their willy and they only support important issues as long as it makes them look important. Men over forty are often ‘PAMPS’ (pompous, arrogant, misogynistic pricks!)

And the women… who think because they opened their legs twice… once to let their drunk boyfriend in, and again to let their screaming brat out… they think they rule the planet. Try driving past a primary school around 3pm… if you dare. They own the road, open doors into traffic, talk shit to the other soccer mums while their darlings scooter off, across the road in front of cars driven by other unaware soccer mums, jabbering on cell phones. And in a supermarket, if you even look a little annoyed at these obese breeders’ precious little progenies, screaming their lungs out for chocolate, you’re likely to get a dose of oestrogen-induced ear-bashing.

So…

Basically, women under the age of forty are barking stupid.

Men under the age of forty five are bonking stupid. No… make that fifty.

Everyone, without exception, who hasn’t yet got a thousand grey hairs, is stupid.

Then one day you wake up and smell your own arse. You see yourself for the fuckwit you are, instead of always assuming others are to blame for your problems. It’s an epiphany and finally, you stop bullshitting yourself and everyone else.

I’m not even sure I’ve grown out of stupid yet, but at least I’m grown up enough to admit it.

Maestro Paul

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20 thoughts on “Never Be Ashamed of Your Age

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    1. Thank you Adolph. Please share the link and perhaps check out my short stories (Go to ‘Shop’ for synopses)

  18. Your sister here! the tricycle and the ramp…did that ever happen?
    just bought your stories. looking forward to reading them again – plus there’s a few there I don’t remember.

    1. Thanks Sis. I replied in an email. Love ya!

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